I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
