that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
