Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
