I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
