they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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