So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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