Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize