There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
