Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
