i already hear my dad disowning me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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