and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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