cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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