I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize