I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
