OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
