If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
