Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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