; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
