Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
