quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
