Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
