areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
