So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
