I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
