I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you had me at cake vodka
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
