The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
