I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
