I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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