Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
