watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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