I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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