Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
