Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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