just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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