Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
