she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
