Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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