i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
