he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I want a musical about memes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
