So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
