Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
