Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
