Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
