OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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