It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
