he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
