glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
