So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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