She said her name was "party"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
