Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
