Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
