Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
