Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
