She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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