all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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