I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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