her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
