look no pants
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
