I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
