Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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