After last night, I could never be a politician.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize