i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
