Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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