I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
