life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize