the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
