so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
