I wanna passion pit in your ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
