Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
