Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
