I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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