Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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