turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
