i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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