My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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