$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
