Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
