Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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