i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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